What am I?

Hello, I’m Jamie. J.C. Mischief. Mommy. J-Bird. Honey. Miss Jamie.
Confused yet? Some days I am.
My Twitter bio says it all: Writer. Dreamer, cake decorator. Wife. Mother. Daughter. Not necessarily in that order. What else am I? Scrapbooker. Baker. Cook. Girl Scout troop leader. Church leader. Fangirl. Shall I continue?
When Karin first asked me to write this guest spot, I had no idea what to write about. I’m so multifaceted. I could show you pictures of my scrapbooks. I could post a recipe. I could wax poetic over Jensen Ackles and Supernatural, which is my favorite show and biggest obsession. I could teach you a Girl Scout song, or I could write you a dirty little ditty as I’m a very competent erotica writer (though I’m not widely published, much to my chagrin.) I could discuss the Bible with you and talk about my latest Sunday school lesson or discuss the pains of dealing with a middle-schooler and preschooler simultaneously. I’m a Jack of All Trades and a master of none. There are tons of things I could talk about. But instead, I’m going to discuss…me.
LOL. Stick with me a moment as I talk. Hopefully this won’t leave you all snoring and drooling on your keyboards. I’m from North Carolina. The Bible belt. I was an only child. Home schooled. Socially awkward. I’m still socially awkward, more comfortable with my thoughts and my words than I am with a crowd. I’m an introverted extrovert. A liberal conservative. A Christian who hates no one. Odd, right? Well, I’ve been called that before.
I’m not going to bore you too much but I do have a point.
At thirty six years old, I finally know who I am. I’m me. I don’t conform. I don’t fit in a box. And you know what? YOU SHOULDN’T EITHER.
I read a lovely post from tumblr on Facebook last week. Simply put, it encouraged girls to be themselves and not to conform and not to be pushed and shoved around. As one of those girls that had to grow a backbone…about everything in her life, this spoke to me. I have a 12 year old daughter. I’ve taught her to be an independent, vocal, confident, and rather sarcastic, young woman. I’m teaching her to question everything and take no crap and to own herself and her actions and her body. And I think what’s sad is, there are people out in the world who want to trample on us, to make us conform, to make us cow down. Even worse? Most everyone where I grew up still thinks that way. I grew up (and still live in) the south with its narrow mindedness and racism and prejudice against anything different than them. They cower in fear in church pews and behind bibles and lamenting on how “things were better then.” Things were better then. For them. For us, those who dare to be “odd” or “quirky” or anything that doesn’t conform to the “norm” it either threw us out in the cold, or worse, caused us harm. And it still does. And that shames me. How can anyone who claims to know and love the Christian God like I do, not take His advice and “love your neighbor as yourself” Mark 12:31 (NIV)
I didn’t intend for this to be a religious piece, but my faith is very important to me. I’m not going to cram it down your throat. I’m cool that way.
My point is…love. Love everyone. Hate no one. But most of all? Love yourself. I’m a huge fan of Supernatural, as I stated, and one of the actors, Jared Padalecki has a movement called Always Keep Fighting. It urges people suffering from depression to continue fighting for that happiness, not to let the darkness consume them. Don’t let the darkness consume you. You are not alone. You might think you are, but you aren’t. Look (cautiously) to the Internet. One of my very best friends lives like, ten states away and I’ve never “met” her. But I know her. And she knows me. And I know I can trust her with every fiber of my being. If you can’t find someone that lives near you, that you can physically touch and hug, then find someone like her; someone who can be there for you. Trust me. That person exists.
I don’t care if you’re 12 or 20 or 48, male or female, gender-fluid, or unsure what gender you are; you will, at some point, feel like you should belong in a box. That’s terrible! Don’t do it! Fight to find your way out of that box and don’t let them close the lid! Because you don’t have to be just ONE thing. Be ten. Be a hundred. Be yourself.
“But,” you begin, “I don’t know WHO I am!” Excellent! Start trying to find out. Take your time. Start small. It’s taken me 36 years and I’m sure I don’t know every inch of myself. I’ve learned a lot about myself and I know I have a long way to go. But it’s a start.
I do not have any degrees in psychology. I’m a nurse, but I worked in urology, so I’m not qualified to give you any of this advice. But what I do have is life experience. So, especially for all the younger people reading this, or even those who feel like they’ve been oppressed by their family, their significant others, the world? This one is for you.
Love yourself first. You are not alone. Always keep fighting. And know though the world may feel cold and unloving, there is someone out there waiting to love you just as you are. Maybe even someone out there who will help you find yourself if you aren’t sure. But stick around in this world so they can find you. It doesn’t have to be a romantic love, but it is love. And love, man, love is all you need.
Jared’s latest #spnfamily campaign has ended, but if you need help right away, you can go to the #SPNfamily Crisis Support Network here: http://www.randomacts.org/programs/crisis-support-network/
Or to read more about Jared’s struggle with depression and the campaigns he’s participated in, here’s a Variety article you can read: http://variety.com/2015/tv/people-news/jared-padalecki-always-keep-fighting-depression-suicide-twloha-1201451708/
Here’s another article you may find of interest from To Write Love On Her Arms:  https://twloha.com/blog/jared-padalecki-always-keep-fighting/
 If you need a friend? I’m around. Feel free to message me on twitter: https://twitter.com/mischiefm8kr1
And if you want to read some of my fanfiction, here’s the link for that, too: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1383271/mischief-maker1
If you cant get me either place, message me on tumblr: http://mischief-maker1.tumblr.com/
** Love Yourself First, You Are Not Alone, and Always Keep Fighting are ideas and possibly trademarked by Jared Padalecki and Represent.com. Please do not sue me. I have no money.

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